jianfeng "Before I came to Beijing, because I was living in Shandong province, I wanted to find myself. I wanted to find out who I really am. But after I came here, I realized my thinking had changed. People don't find themselves, they choose themselves. I don't have ideals anymore. The only ideal now is to wait. To keep waiting until that day comes...to keep waiting for the day we all die. I hope that day will come.

"In China, people seem like they're doing things for themselves. You feel good because everyone thinks your life is better than theirs...or because you have more stuff in your house than they do. But that stuff isn't what really matters.

"All my friends' parents want their kids to find steady jobs. That way they can make money, find a girlfriend, get married, have kids...and be better off than their parents' friends, My parents just go to work day after day. After work they come home and watch TV, make dinner... Then they talk about their jobs, the people in their work units...If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be this way. They put a kind of invisible pressure on me...I hate it."